 |
| Still a little red and raw - I am a human, being with my grief. And also enjoying the sunshine. |
I arrived early to teach Sunrise Cycling this morning and felt a little relief when I realized that no one had signed up for class. Nonetheless I got on the bike, blasted 90’s music, and started spinning (and singing aloud to all my fans). 
About halfway through my workout I heard “I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more just to be the *Mom* who walks a thousand miles and falls down at your door”.
The tears started flowing and soon running off my cheeks as I remembered the days and months after Lizzy’s death when I had to completely physically exhaust myself in order to sleep at night. I spent hours cycling as I pondered the meaning of life (and death).
Approaching 7am this morning and continuing to ride the hell out of the bike, my muscles and body seemed to remember the grief from 8 years ago, and then even more profoundly the LOVE.
#EckhartTolle reminded me today to be thankful for all of life’s experiences, the happy ones and also the difficult ones.
Suffering is my teacher. I continue to learn. The deep, profound emotions tied to loss are beautiful, and they are directly tied to the deep, profound love that I have embodied. And I am SO thankful for the love.
There are so many types of life losses we experience as humans. #Loss is hard. It takes #courage. As my living children enter teenhood I’ve been #struggling with the loss of #mothering young kids. And frankly, it #hurts. I miss kid #hugs. I miss nighttime stories. I miss #snuggles. I let the pain wash over me. I sit with it, perhaps take it to tea. And usually what follows is #empathy and love.
I drove my children to school this morning. Still a little #teary from my #emotional bike ride, I expressed my love to each of them and then watched as their vulnerable little souls walked into school. Oh, the sass, the eyerolls, the back talk, (Who has been #parenting these kids!?!) Still I could not hold back more tears of #love.
 |
| The weather on Monday, 11 degrees with windchill, but two days later the warm sun is shining down. 50 degrees. I will take it! |
