Springtime in Washington DC is beautiful, the cherry blossoms cascading over the city, yet in the spring of 2017, I found myself downtown DC, frightened, bleeding and needing help. Elias, RubyCat and I were riding our bicycles through the heart of the city to Ford’s Theater that day for road-schooling (homeschool). My baby wasn’t due until October,
the blood was an unsettling surprise. Eric was somewhere in the city working on
his dissertation.
Although, I put
much effort into getting prenatal health care, it was extremely challenging
while living on the road. I have insurance, but still I could not find a
doctor that would see me. I was rejected
by so many clinics I can’t even keep track.
A couple months earlier
in Dallas, TX I visited an inner-city ER as a last option, I needed to
rule out ectopic pregnancy (of which I am at risk). It was a frightening
experience. The ER I went to also turned
out to be a Psych unit, and therefore
had to be locked down. I could not take my kids back with me, and they needed
an adult with them. Eric stayed with the kids. I went in alone. At least I got the good news that my
pregnancy was healthy and underway.
Months later after
arriving in DC we attended REI’s “United Outside” film festival at the flagship
store. We met the amazing Burgin Hanks family, and immediately
connected. They were also
homeschoolers. They invited us to their
home on Capitol Hill, we shared some meals and great conversations. Sarah
had recommended a midwife she had seen.
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I snapped this picture just before we got back on our bikes
to head to my sonogram.
RubyCatherine's bravery, faith and strength continue to amaze me. |
Our weeks in DC had gone by swiftly when I found myself scared and bleeding downtown. Before I started looking for emergency care I decided to call the midwife that had been recommended to me, Story Jones. I had made SO many dreaded health care phone calls over the last few months. Although, this conversation was quite different. Tears fill my eyes as I recall the memory. Story herself answered the phone. We had never spoken before, I was a complete stranger to her. Yet the first words she spoke after hearing my plight were filled with kindness and love.
She didn’t ask for
insurance.
She didn’t ask if I
could pay for services.
She didn’t tell me to
hang up and call 911.
She spoke with care, and
sympathy for what I was going through. She asked the necessary medical
questions. And immediately put in orders
for me to have a sonogram at a clinic in the area.
Eric arrived The four of
us rode our bikes through DC traffic to the clinic. A miscarriage was
confirmed. I got the care I needed and Story kindly followed up on my
medical needs.
Life isn’t always what
it seems. There is so much beauty in love, and part of love is loss.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just
love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love
gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”― Jamie Anderson
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I am brave, I am strong. I do really hard things.
I survive. I am soft. I am vulnerable. I LOVE. |
Duet
I am a duplex.
One body with two souls.
But today ones of us is
leaving,
And somehow I am no
longer whole.
Only 3 months have we
shared this house.
Yet acquainted we became
long ago.
I grieve for the things
we will not do, my baby
I let the sadness within
me grow.
Heartache, suffering
I breathe in this moment
in time.
Braving the dark,
allowing the pain.
So I may be whole;
sublime.
I love you baby.
I really wish we could
have met.
I look forward to the
day I will see your face
And once again, be our
own duet.
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Earlier the very same day,
I had a sweet encounter with a friend from home. |
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| Burgin Hanks Family Fun! |
It
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| Blessed and encouraged |
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| We had a great campsite to park our trailer near DC. |
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| Wonderful friends from home visiting DC was a delightful treat. |
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| And long time friends from Idaho who now reside in the DC area. |
