18 July, 2018

University Park Bear- Dead


"I killed a bear today
Oh What a man am I!
We the experts knew just what to do
When the bear did not comply."

"This is our space.  We demand you leave!"

The cub stuck up in the tree.
Looked down to the people with fear in his eyes
And said “You are frightening me”.

Black bears are known to be timid
Why not leave it alone?
“NO! We will use all resources to kill the beast,
We won’t be overthrown!”

Five Lethal tranquilizer darts
when one would have been enough
Then lower the bear breaking its leg.
Ending his life in cuffs.

Mother nature cries
Unnecessary actions that hurt.
Please in the future,
Just let the bears be
Nature will not convert

I added my poem to the memorial.


07 July, 2018

Enrique Nacho Tigre Fernandez Castillo de Jesus

I love this cat.  So much.   He is our family therapist, our entertainment, and my mid-life motherhood fulfillment.  And he is naughty... sometimes.

24 June, 2018

Camp Good Mourning

A grief camp for children.  

In grad school I took a class on death and dying.  I enjoyed the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross so much that I continued reading her work for pleasure.  She, the mother of the Hospice Foundation, profoundly and wisely contributed to quality end of life care, and grief care.  Although, I never got to meet her,  she has helped me tremendously in my grief.  I am a better person, mother, wife, teacher because of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

Karli and RubyCatherine-  Camp Buddies

Camp Good Mourning is held at Park River Bible Camp and allows for an attendance of 50 children and teens. The campers partake in activities including low adventure course, canoeing, wall climbing, recreation time, art and crafts, high ropes and campfires. Added to these activities are small group discussions, where children are encouraged to open up about their loss, how it makes them feel and how to move forward. 
Austin & Elias Camp Buddies 


Camp Good Mourning is funded entirely by donations, fundraisers and a $25 registration fee (waived if it’s a hardship for the family). For more information regarding camp (June 22-24, 2018), how to register a child, or to volunteer, please contact Sue Mairs, camp coordinator, at smairs@altru.org or 701.780.5258



Roland, RubyCat, Ned
Although we never wish heartache on anyone-  It is comforting to have good friends who understand.  We love our friends.  

06 June, 2018

Nauvoo, Illinois




Wagon Ride, Nauvoo Illinois
Best Flossers this side of the Mississippi



Elias saving the baby Raccoon - who nearly drowned.  We named him Nauvoo.  
Mississippi Steamboat Ride-  Hannibal,  Missouri
Home of Mark Twain (Aka Sam Clemmens)

Pioneer Folk- 
Just like the Patti Duke Show-  Cousins, identical Cousins.  Ha!
Salt n Peppa
Sassy and smart!  

03 May, 2018

Come what May...

03 May 2014

The light was pouring in
Angels by my side
Stillness in the air.

I gazed down on her peaceful sleep.
for what seemed like a long time
taking in her peace, her beauty, the sun, the moment.

Then,
the stillness became…
Well,   too much
No movement at all.
Where is her breath? I thought to myself
 as I watched her ribs for movement

Reaching down to stroke her back,
Making contact,
Instantly, I knew.
I felt it in the rigidness of her flesh.
Cold, wooden.

Death had visited

My baby no longer connected to her body.




The month of May, in the great white north, is full of new life, green, and hope.  At least for most people.
This May marks 4 years since my little girl died.  I keep thinking it is going to get easier.  Death. The cessation of living. Grief. And living through it moment by moment by moment.  My tears are cleansing.  I feel better after a good cry.  Writing poetry is therapeutic.  With that said losing a child is not for the weak of heart.  The pain is deep, and often raw.

As I travel though my moments and travel through grief I see different stages come and go.  I just continue.  This week I have been in a deep sadness-  and I am trying to explore it with curiosity and without judgement.

University Park Bear- Dead

"I killed a bear today Oh What a man am I! We the experts knew just what to do When the bear did not comply." "...