This little girl, I found at a puppy mill in Wisconsin. She had spent years as breeding stock living in a small cage. She is a ShihTzu, a breed that originates from Tibet. Naturally I gave her a Tibeten name, Prajñāpāramitā, which means Mother, Mother of Light, Mother of all Wisdom, The Great Mother. She was a mother over and over whose pups were taken from her. We relate, she and I. I call her Mita.
Truth be told, I am a cat person. Anyone who really knows me... knows that NachoTigre is my precious (yes, just like the ring is to Gollum). BUT.... nonetheless I brought this cute little white fluff home. 12 hours in the car with this stinky little mama on my lap. Our souls imprinted on each other forever. That was nearly two years ago.
I think I can say in truth that no other being has loved ME more than this dog. She follows me everywhere, always wants to sit by me. Rides in my bike basket. And loves to go all places. I took her through the process of becoming a Certified Therapy dog- She passed the tests and observations with flying colors. She now likes to visit the Elder Care center and love on the residents there.
And to be completely transparent, I have been somewhat unaccepting of my little Mita. She has been difficult to potty train having lived in a cage her whole life, she constantly wants to be near me. I have been dismissive of her, even annoyed by her constant stream of affection. Still yet, she is UNCONDITIONALLY loving to me.
As I drove out to Rabbitstick last week, I listened to the book Radical Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame.
As I got into the book Tara Brach speaks a client who said "If only I could love myself the way my dog loves me".
This struck a chord with me as I continued driving through the mountains. Tears welling in my eyes. My dog ADORES me. "Maybe if I could just see myself the way Mita sees me?" I thought.
Just then in my audiobook, Tara mentions Prajñāpāramitā. And it hit me. I am completely accepted loved, and adored by Prajñāpāramitā, the Great Mother, The Mother of Light and Wisdom. Tears flowing from my eyes I embraced myself with a love I haven't felt in years. Goddess Love.
#synchronicity
As I learn more about embracing myself with my grief, I am learning that my grief is not what defines me. And I no longer want it to define me. I am NOT my grief. I am so much more than that.
