Hope Floats

There are so many parts to grief.  Although I believe Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages is accurate and helpful-  when one looks at just the stages they are  a simplification of the process as a whole.  I have been through each stage-  some visit and revisit.

It can take a long time to sort it all out.

It is hard to believe it has been 3 years since my baby died.   She would be in Kindergarten this year. 

And as much as I long to see her bright eyes and hug her, I can not.

Today I am struck by a photo I took on her last Christmas.  Two little girls in their Christmas dresses.  Oh how I loved dressing my girls up. 

Today I am missing seeing my children together- playing, being silly,  running around being kids.  I often wonder what life would be like if she were still with us-  Today I am thinking specifically about how RubyCatherine and Elias’s life might be different?   And again I am reminded (by myself) to breathe. Love. Be mindful.  Live this moment... pain and all.    Joy will follow.

I wrote this tonight... I write the same poem over and over and over.  I just use different words. :)

Suffering

Darkness

sinking in pain.

I must pass through this shadow to gain…

To gain peace

To gain light

All my love uncovering

I brave the dark times

To expose my soul to the suffering

Experiencing All there is

I gain depth and compassion

A cup full of heartache was only part my ration

For, before I could suffer

A pain of this weight

I had to know,

Something {that} great.

My heart is full

And I love to its depth

Consequently,

This means a deep and wide breadth

I have my memories

I honor my bestowment

I don’t need much more…

For, I have THIS moment.