| Thank you Jon Kabat-Zinn, for your research, dedication and gifts in sharing Mindfulness.|
I am grateful.
|Lizzy's 1st Birthday|
I began my journey in Mindfulness 6 years ago, as I read Geneen Roth's, Women, Food and God.
As with most things if life, learning to be mindful is a process that takes effort over time. I have put much effort into practicing mindfulness- living each moment. It is not easy, I am human, I still have to kindly reminding my chattering mind to live rather than anticipate, or fear. Kindly, non-judgmentally bringing myself back to the present is something I work on everyday.
And now after losing my daughter, Elizabeth (Lizzy) in 2014, I see even more clearly the value of mindfulness. All of my efforts to live each moment are a blessing. Before she died- I strived to be present with her, to love her (verb), to enjoy her. And now that she is gone, heart wrenching and difficult, I have used mindfulness to brave the darkness. To be in the moment with my pain. I have let myself grieve rather than bury it deep inside. Is this difficult? Absolutely. I brave darkness everyday, I feel pain and hurt, and longing. Yet somehow, I also feel peace.
What is the alternative? Burying my pain. Not allowing. Pushing it away. Pretending it doesn't exist. This just creates underlying fear and anxiety- the opposite of peace. And no matter what the pain of losing my baby girl exists. pretending, pushing it away, only creates fear. The opposite of peace. I choose peace. I choose to live in the moment.