Live Off the Land

 When I was a kid I made up a game that I called “Live off the land”. The goal was to stay outside and only eat what I could forage. I mean, we’ve all been there..right?

Note, my dad is a master gardener, and we had fruit trees. It wasn’t a difficult challenge. I kept a salt shaker next to the tomatoes- Life was good.

A friend reminded me yesterday “Try not to be like everyone else, she said, there will come a time when the pieces that are not you will fall away easily”.

Well, I did try to be like everybody else and lost that little girl who wanted so badly to live off the land.

However, I am working my way back to find her. Because, I think she’s pretty cool, and I’ve discovered that I can do hard things.

The last week of the Farmer’s Market was a delight. Thank you Grand Forks.

High School

I pull my mask up high to absorb the tears streaming down my cheeks.  Elias & I attended orientation at his new high school. I am sitting next to him, not listening, rather just feeling. 

I wanted to wrap both of my arms around him and tell him how amazing his is- all the beauty he brings to my life, and the world.  How much I love him. 

 

Yet, rather than embarrass him, I refrain.

 

My mask gathers the tears.  That little boy.  That sweet boy that put on his superman cape and climbed the ladder to our roof.  That boy that loves to fish and snuggle with his cat while listening to a good book. My baby.  He is now in high school. 

Photo credit:  David J Ruck  

 

A Tisket, a Tasket, I Weaved a Pack Basket

 

l have long desired to own a pack basket. And now I do.

It took me 3 days to weave.  And I love it!

Cardinal

  

I didn’t expect the waves to rise like this again, 

 

It has been so long since I last held her, 7 years today.

 

My human brain struggles as I try to recall all I can,

I want to remember every vivid detail of her life.

 

I can not.  It hurts.

 

But as the pain rises, somehow I feel her again.

Her energy. Her love.

With all the pain comes her.

And I want HER.

 

A cardinal appeared in my window yesterday evening

Never, have I seen one so close

The bright vibrant red, orange, the beauty of its symbolism

I approached the window, took in the moment

 

And then it was gone.

Earth Day 2021

 To Be A Tree

Let us honor our roots

Roots that nourish us

Roots that give us strength

Roots that build us

Roots that remind us from whence we came

 

Let our leaves take in the light

Seeking truth

Seeking compassion

Seeking justice

 

Let the great strength of our timber

Be flexible as winds change

Be present in the light and  the dark

Be giving when it is our turn to return to the earth

To feed the roots of future generations

                                 -HLC

Before and After Death

Shortly after Lizzy died, Aunt Vicki told me-   From now on, when ever you look back on memories everything in your life will be looked upon as either “before or After”  that moment.

 

 

As usual Aunt Vicki was right

 

 

As the days are getting longer and more signs of spring appear I find myself going back to the “Before” memories more and more.

It is a hard time of year.  

 

I still keep her little 2T shirt in my drawer- I take it out, unfold it, bury my face in it, trying to smell her, only to refold and slip it back in my drawer.

 

Death is part of the process.  It is difficult. There is so much I don’t understand.  

Yesterday I learned that a beautiful friend died unexpectedly in her sleep.  What is this thing that we call death?  A quiet passing in the night?  She was a genius, an engineer, beautiful, kind, courageous.

 

Answers, I have not.  So I simply go back to trying to love.  Trying to do a little better than yesterday.  Trying to be kind to myself and others.  Trying to be present, living, being, loving.

 

Good Friday everyone.

 Everything is different,   Nothing has changed

He is still wearing wool.

I continue to be very serious, all the time.

And I still can’t get enough of that smile.

 

This human journey has not been easy.

The path so rugged at times I didn’t think I could go on,

Grasping at roots to pull myself back to the trail.

Yet the view from the mountain peaks has been absolutely spectacular.



We understand sadness, we’re well acquainted with fear, and we know pain profound.


AND We also know unfathomed joy and momentous pure love.

The journey toward beauty and light is not easy. I don't expect it to be. I am just grateful to share all of these human experiences with Eric @ridetoalaska

 
“Life is a balance of light and dark. Happiness comes not from being attached to the good days and dreading the bad days, but by accepting that both are a part of life and have an important role”. -Bronnie Ware