A Tisket, a Tasket, I Weaved a Pack Basket

 

l have long desired to own a pack basket. And now I do.

It took me 3 days to weave.  And I love it!

Cardinal

  

I didn’t expect the waves to rise like this again, 

 

It has been so long since I last held her, 7 years today.

 

My human brain struggles as I try to recall all I can,

I want to remember every vivid detail of her life.

 

I can not.  It hurts.

 

But as the pain rises, somehow I feel her again.

Her energy. Her love.

With all the pain comes her.

And I want HER.

 

A cardinal appeared in my window yesterday evening

Never, have I seen one so close

The bright vibrant red, orange, the beauty of its symbolism

I approached the window, took in the moment

 

And then it was gone.

Earth Day 2021

 To Be A Tree

Let us honor our roots

Roots that nourish us

Roots that give us strength

Roots that build us

Roots that remind us from whence we came

 

Let our leaves take in the light

Seeking truth

Seeking compassion

Seeking justice

 

Let the great strength of our timber

Be flexible as winds change

Be present in the light and  the dark

Be giving when it is our turn to return to the earth

To feed the roots of future generations

                                 -HLC

Before and After Death

Shortly after Lizzy died, Aunt Vicki told me-   From now on, when ever you look back on memories everything in your life will be looked upon as either “before or After”  that moment.

 

 

As usual Aunt Vicki was right

 

 

As the days are getting longer and more signs of spring appear I find myself going back to the “Before” memories more and more.

It is a hard time of year.  

 

I still keep her little 2T shirt in my drawer- I take it out, unfold it, bury my face in it, trying to smell her, only to refold and slip it back in my drawer.

 

Death is part of the process.  It is difficult. There is so much I don’t understand.  

Yesterday I learned that a beautiful friend died unexpectedly in her sleep.  What is this thing that we call death?  A quiet passing in the night?  She was a genius, an engineer, beautiful, kind, courageous.

 

Answers, I have not.  So I simply go back to trying to love.  Trying to do a little better than yesterday.  Trying to be kind to myself and others.  Trying to be present, living, being, loving.

 

Good Friday everyone.

 Everything is different,   Nothing has changed

He is still wearing wool.

I continue to be very serious, all the time.

And I still can’t get enough of that smile.

 

This human journey has not been easy.

The path so rugged at times I didn’t think I could go on,

Grasping at roots to pull myself back to the trail.

Yet the view from the mountain peaks has been absolutely spectacular.



We understand sadness, we’re well acquainted with fear, and we know pain profound.


AND We also know unfathomed joy and momentous pure love.

The journey toward beauty and light is not easy. I don't expect it to be. I am just grateful to share all of these human experiences with Eric @ridetoalaska

 
“Life is a balance of light and dark. Happiness comes not from being attached to the good days and dreading the bad days, but by accepting that both are a part of life and have an important role”. -Bronnie Ware

911

Many years ago someone said to me: 

“I’ve never called 9-1-1. The kind of people that call 911 seem like needy parasite types”.


And I wondered:  Wouldn’t it be nice to live such a posh life that all my needs were met, that my health care was never in danger,  that I was always physically safe?

It takes a lot of grit to call 9-1-1.  It is frightening. There were many times I took a beating to avoid calling.   

So what kind of people call 911?  This kind of person. Me.

I called 911. . .

*When my ex husband tried to strangle me.

*When my landlord shot my cat.

*Last year when in the wee hours of the morning I heard men chanting “White Power” from a nearby rooftop.

*And lastly, when I went to wake up my baby girl and realized that she was dead.



All of these experiences have shaped who I am and helped me to relate to people in unexpected ways. It has also put me in a position where some people can't relate to me. But, even with all I've been through, I still carry so much privilege.

I may be impulsive, flighty, and I still struggle when I have to hold still for long periods of time (you know like 10 minutes). For years I shamed myself for these traits. Not anymore.  No shame.

Because dammit, I have a lot to offer and  I’ve got GRIT.

Belonging

I am different

I don't belong

It's a different plane
That I'm on

Back in time

I squeezed and contorted
Pouring myself
In a mold to be thwarted

Some people march
To a different sound
And we have great value
And love profound

Nowadays
I sing my own song
And long for the places
Where I always belong

Falling upward
Passing through fear
I am a safe place
You belong here!