15 December, 2020

 It seems that I am brimming with tears a lot lately. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of emotion, tears of pure love.

I am striving for more patience. Patience with my children. Patience with myself.
Here is my Christmas wish list:
-To your enemy, give forgiveness
-To an opponent, give tolerance.
-To a friend, give your heart.
-To a customer, give service.
-To all, give charity.
-To every child, a good example

-To yourself, give respect.




20 November, 2020

Grateful


 Two weeks ago today- November 6th I burned my arm - A 3rd degree burn. I had just finished using a heat gun, I sat it aside continuing to work. My arm came in contact with the hot point and sizzled, it was about the size of a 50 cent piece. It went through the epidermis, the dermis, all the dermises. I got cold water and ice on it right away, and have been rebinding the wound multiple times daily.


The pain is slowly easing, the wound is getting smaller. My body is healing itself. What an amazing thing. And now I am so grateful for a functioning arm.

I am grateful for lessons that remind me to embrace life with gratitude for that is how I want to live my moments.
Life cards: Tower and the Chariot. And I am the Warrior.
Pain, wounds, death, towers crumbling- and my chariot rebuilding it all.
Tonight I came across this poem I wrote in the wake of my daughters death, another kind of pain that has taught me so much about how I want to live.

Suffering
Darkness
sinking in pain.
I must pass through this shadow to gain…

To gain peace
To gain light
All my love uncovering
I brave the dark times
To expose my soul to the suffering

Experiencing All there is
I gain depth and compassion
A cup full of heartache was only part my ration

For, before I could suffer
A pain of this weight
I had to know,
Something {that} great.

My heart is full
And I love to its depth
Consequently,
This means a deep and wide breadth

I have my memories
I honor my bestowment
I don’t need much more…

For I have THIS moment.
Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum

15 November, 2020

Cat Entertainment


Ooo... What are holiday decorations?  They look fun.

 


Are they delicious?

Yuck, no.

They are nap worthy though, and bonus, I get photographed.
 


If you are interested in an adorable, (obviously very helpful), entertaining and 
super loving ball of fur contact: 

07 July, 2020

No Shame for Introverting


I walk the lonely road.
Because I choose it.
I am an introvert.
I want to be an unapologetic introvert, but the truth is that I often guilt myself because I don't spend more time with people.  I really feel better and function better when I get the alone time that I need.

This guy knows me better than anyone, and he STILL loves me.  I am lucky, very lucky to know his love and support.


This photo is proof that I went to a public swimming pool in 2020.   May never happen again.



24 June, 2020

The, Feral and Wicked Intelligent, Airhead


I have ADHD, and I am pretty sure I have dyslexia (although, that has not been diagnosed).  Recently a dear friend whom I’ve known for many years referred to me as “feral and wicked intelligent”.  It is perhaps the most meaningful compliment I’ve ever received. 

The truth is,  I struggled with academics in elementary and jr high school.   Reading did not come easy to me-  I learned differently than my classmates and staying on task was challenging for me.  I needed more stimulation than sitting at a desk with books offered me.

I remember 8th grade science and the shame and embarrassment I held in my heart when Mrs. Johnson (who was a wonderful, kind teacher) engaged our class in “popcorn reading”. Popcorn reading was a game where students read from the text and then called on another person in class to read.  If you were called on to read and were not following along, you lost 2 points from your grade and the student who called on you gained 2 points on their grade.  

Does Heidi ever follow along? Do I even stay on task now?  That is a hard NO.  

But dammit, I tried.   I tried so hard to follow along in that 8th grade science textbook.  There were just SO many things that were more interesting and important to me than reading about mitochondria and triphosphates.   

Many of my peers were keen to my inability to follow along.  One classmate, who was somewhat competitive, had little regard for the shame and embarrassment  I felt when I was called on to read.  He seemed to receive great satisfaction when he got the chance to earn 2 points at my expense.  
And not only did not follow along, but I was a very poor reader.  It was utterly humiliating to me to read aloud in front of my peers.  I earned the name “airhead” among my classmates and to me that meant I lacked intelligence, and value.  It really hurt.  Even worse, it shaped the way I viewed myself and my self efficacy.  
I barely graduated from high school, and was lucky to get into our local state college- Idaho State University.  
College was different for me.  I got to choose classes I was interested in (for the most part).  There were powerpoints- creating a visual perception to go along with lectures.  I had lab work opportunities to test the theories I was learning in practical settings.  And perhaps the greatest difference was, I was driven and wanted to succeed.   After two years, I transferred to University of Idaho in Moscow and graduated with honors with a BS in psychology.  I applied to grad schools.  I studied Special Education  (BYU- Provo)  and moved to Kansas for a MS in Counseling (Kansas State University).  When I started my PhD, I was teaching full time and my partner Eric and I  adopted our son Elias.  After years of schooling, I made the decision to take time with my son.  Although disappointing in some ways, it was fulfilling in so many other ways.


I now teach at the University of Minnesota.   I work with teacher candidates on how to engage ALL students in meaningful ways.  Using multiple means of engagement, hands on activities, nature experiences, kinesthetics, verbal, audible, and visual ways to enhance learning in the classroom and beyond.
I love teaching.  I love my students.  And I am thankful for my {albeit painful} experiences that have shaped me into someone with empathy, desire, and courage to drive meaningful change.

Maybe I am not so different from  Jewell, Steven Spielberg, Cher, Whoppi Goldberg, Justin Timberlake, Michael Phelps, Keira Knightly and so many others with ADHD, Dyslexia and other challenges.

05 June, 2020

Texas and the Introvert

My Peeps went to Texas.   
I Love them.
And now I am alone.
Gloriously Alone!
After months of lock down,
with my favorite people as cell mates.

ALONE AT LAST, ALONE AT LAST,
THANK GOD ALMIGHTY.
I AM ALONE AT LAST.

Mourning Whales & Morning Wails

Today marks day 13 of Tahlequah, carrying the lifeless body of her new calf, born on Christmas Eve. Again she grieves. Tahlequah, an endan...