A Day Spent Reading by the Fire... is never wasted

Elias and I are reading The Birchbark House- by Louise Erdrich
How I love reading about indigenous nations and experiences.  Elias seems to have the same affinity.  He stayed home from school sick today.  I am pretty sure it was the Birchbark house needing to read sickness. I had the perfect cure.  We read for hours.  How I love that boy.

Creation of Fire

Keeper of the fire

Finally she is

Patience and practice

Bow Drill Wiz

Okay,  “Wiz” is a bit of a stretch, but...  I DID IT! Finally!  

First Blizzard of the season here in the Great White North.  Perfect day to build a fire, and it only took me 2 hours! Haha!

Maybe by the end of the season I will really be a  Bow Drill Wiz.

Starting a fire using a bow drill is a skill I have wanted for a long time. 

A bow drill is a simple rotational hand-operated tool of prehistoric origin, commonly used to generate friction to start a fire. #rabbitstick #fire #frictionfire #bowdrill #Blizzard #noschool #snowday #home #ancestralskills  #primitiveskills

The Mac Impact

Saturday May 3, 2014 I woke up at dawn and ran 5 miles, when I came home to wake up my little girl and found that she had died during the night. I have not run in a race or trained since that time.

Running is therapeutic, releases endorphins, dopamine, and just feels good- and although I have needed these things in my life, I couldn’t bring myself to go.

Until #TheMacImpact

Heidi with Jill Beireis,  We love, we grieve, we live.  We are not our grief.

Just lacing my shoes up for the first time to train brought tears, therapeutic, healing sobs and tears.  #IAmNotMyGrief

This weekend I ran the Grand Forks Wild Hog in honor of McCormick Beireis a 2 year old boy who has made a profound impact on many lives. Including mine.
Thank you Micky Mac. You helped me remember my passion for running. Please hug my Lizzy for me. 💙

Prajñāpāramitā

This little girl, I found at a puppy mill in Wisconsin.  She had spent years as breeding stock living in a small cage.  She is a ShihTzu, a breed that originates from Tibet.  Naturally I gave her a Tibeten name, Prajñāpāramitā, which means Mother, Mother of Light, Mother of all Wisdom,  The Great Mother.  She was a mother over and over whose pups were taken from her.  We relate, she and I.    I call her Mita. 

Truth be told, I am a cat person.  Anyone who really knows me... knows that NachoTigre is my precious (yes, just like the ring is to Gollum).  BUT.... nonetheless I brought this cute little white fluff home.  12 hours in the car with this stinky little mama on my lap.  Our souls imprinted on each other forever.  That was nearly two years ago.

I think I can say in truth that no other being has loved ME more than this dog. She follows me everywhere, always wants to sit by me.  Rides in my bike basket.  And loves to go all places.  I took her through the process of becoming a Certified Therapy dog-  She passed the tests and observations with flying colors.  She now likes to visit the Elder Care center and love on the residents there.

And to be completely transparent,  I have been somewhat unaccepting of my little Mita.  She has been difficult to potty train having lived in a cage her whole life, she constantly wants to be near me.  I have been dismissive of her, even annoyed by her constant stream of affection.  Still yet, she is UNCONDITIONALLY loving to me.

As I drove out to Rabbitstick last week, I listened to the book Radical Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame.  

As I got into the book Tara Brach speaks a client who said "If only I could love myself the way my dog loves me".

This struck a chord with me as I continued driving through the mountains.  Tears welling in my eyes. My dog ADORES me.  "Maybe if I could just see myself the way Mita sees me?"  I thought.

Just then in my audiobook, Tara mentions Prajñāpāramitā.  And it hit me.  I am completely accepted loved, and adored by Prajñāpāramitā, the Great Mother, The Mother of Light and Wisdom.  Tears flowing from my eyes I embraced myself with a love I haven't felt in years.  Goddess Love.

#synchronicity

As I learn more about embracing myself with my grief, I am learning that my grief is not what defines me.  And I no longer want it to define me.  I am NOT my grief.  I am so much more than that.  

Weddings and Hand Signals~

Take a close look at her hand~

So my amazing sister in law got married July 11.  

There were many beautiful pictures of her and her hubby.  

However, this picture of my niece, took the cake.  This little girl just finished 1st grade, and she means business.  She is not afraid to take the bull by the horns. She is a go getter and she knows how to get what she wants from life.  

You go girl.   Don't ever lose your spark.

And I love you.

Alaska and Beyond 2019

Butchart Gardens, Victoria BC

Victoria flowers
Warm sunshine
Blooms of violet
Best friend of mine

A day in the gardens
And strolling about
Gelato and ivy
Kombucha stout

Seattle tomorrow
Explore some more
Loving this time
Con mi amour

Gum Wall, Pike Market Seattle

Pike Place Market

Juneau, Alaska  

Seattle, Washington

Artwork:  Daphne Mennall

Gravesite of Harriet Pullen,   Skagway railway Alaska-  I had to do some hiking and bushwacking off the trail to find Harriet's Grave.  I have been reading her  role in the history of the Gold Rush.  Another Strong woman that I admire.

Butchart Gardens, Victoria BC

Native Women #TheRedDressProject

Red River, Waterfront, Winnipeg

I dropped my kids off at Camp Good Mourning yesterday.  I cried.  In fact, I couldn’t hold back the tears.  Not because I was leaving my kids for a few days,  I cried for all the grieving parents I saw bringing their littles to Mourn well.  All of us together.  Moving forward, with the grief of losing a child.  All mourning, loving, learning. 

I am in Winnipeg. It is indigenous peoples day here in Canada, with festivities including art, music, food and more.  Celebrations, stories, and remembering all taking place at the confluence of the Assiniboine and Red River of the North.  

I am struck  this year by the Red Dress Project, which centers on Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women.  #MMIW  Statistically, Native women are trafficked, assaulted and murdered at higher rates than any other demographic.  According to the National Institute of Justice, native women are 10 times more likely to be murdered than the general US population, The Center for Disease Control reports murder is the 3rd leading cause of death for native girls under age 20.    

I found myself walking the greenway the morning following all the events, when I heard shouting coming from the River.  Who is swimming in these frigid waters I thought? Recreational swimming is not recommended in the Red River. I was some distance from the water and couldn’t make out what they were saying.

Then,  I saw her, floating, silent now, moving with the swift current, her shoes floating along beside her. Her long black hair and small frame, so vulnerable.  Meanwhile, the greenway was bustling with people, dogs and bicycles. But, I couldn’t focus on anything but her.  

I watched.  I wondered, does she need help? Why is she swimming in these frigid waters?  And why are others not concerned about this situation?

The Red river is wide in Winnipeg. Very wide and she was quite far away from me.  I called out to her, she didn’t seem to hear me, so I changed my direction and started running with the flow of the river. I got off the greenway path and closer to the shore, jumping over logs and tall grasses. I got closer to her and called out again and again.

“Do you need help?”  

The wide waters seemed to absorb my voice.

Then, Finally:

“Of course I need help!, what does it look like?” she called.

I dialed 911- hoping it was a universally recognized emergency number in Canada.

On the phone with the dispatcher I continued to scan the river for signs of life.   

I couldn’t hear her well.  But I did hear her yell out “Gabby”.  Then it struck me. She is looking for someone.  Someone else was out there!

The dispatcher told me to keep my eyes on her- and if she goes under to keep my eyes on that spot. Chills went up my spine as I intently watched her and tried to keep up with the flow, I was more than a mile from where I started following her.

The dispatcher kept asking for landmarks, and names of bridges and streets, of which I am not familiar.

I tried to keep my eyes on her as I bushwhacked through the vines and trees, passing through empty homeless camps.  The river moves swiftly.

After several minutes I heard sirens.  Paramedics and water rescue had arrived.  I directed them to the young woman and water responders helped her into the boat. 

A young, shivering native woman walked up the bank with a rescue worker on each side holding her steady.  And still she wanted to turn back and look for Gabby.  

How did she and Gabby end up in those cold water fully clothed with shoes?  It doesn't seem like something one would choose.

Drones were soon searching the area.  I still don’t  know if Gabby was found alive.

I almost walked away from the woman I thought to be swimming.  I thought she was yelling to a friend.  She WAS yelling to her friend.  In many ways it just looked like a little rough and tumble recreation.  But the more I was drawn in the more I could see and feel the frightening reality.

Bicycles and joggers continued to pass by. People walking dogs.  Oblivious.

I don’t know how much longer she could have made it in the cold water before hypothermia would set in.  Ironic that it is was Indigenous Peoples day or maybe synchronicity. 

May I, may we all,  be more mindful of Native women, sisters, friends.

May no more mothers mourn their daughters death because we were not listening.  #MMIW

Native women isolation

Culture stolen

Incognation

Mothers scorned

And forgotten

Daughters born

Misbegotten

Torn away

Abused neglected

Drowning dying

Force subjected

Ancestors

Born of the land

Posterity

Later banned

A girl drowning

Plunging screaming

A world ignores

Goes on mainstreaming

The River flows on

Howling fades

Another life taken

duty evades

Stand up now

Don’t be deceived

Listen to women

Actuality believed

It’s time for change

With you it begins

Silent bystanding

Never wins