To be Alive
To be truly alive
Is to feel.
To feel all the sensations.
The passion,
The pain,
The love,
And then,
To take in the magnificence of it all
To experience it unbridled down to the depths of your soul.
To know it.
Acknowledging the pain, but marrying yourself to the love. –HLC 
In a small boat on Juneau bay I watched in the distance for
spouts of steam. It was summer 2019 and more than
anything, I wanted to see a whale up close and personal.
As I took in the feral majesty of it all, I was silently
summoning whales nearby. Calling to them and respectfully
requesting to make their acquaintance, it was a simple prayer in my heart.
For years, the Pacific waters of Southeast Alaska have drawn me in to their magnificence.
Alaska is a place of healing for me. There is something sacred in the primeval wildness of it all.
The land unencumbered. The waters clear and so full of life.
My prayer continued as we floated on the water with the engine turned off.
I won’t take part in invasive whale watching practices. I don’t want to see whales who are running
scared. I don’t want to encroach on their territory. I support Marine Mammal Protection and the ongoing
lobbying for further protections. These beautiful creatures deserve freedom as much and you and I
deserve freedom. As a lover of the natural world, the only way I was going to see a whale up close and
personal was on the terms set by the whale. I continued sending my invitational prayer. There were 3
other passengers on the small boat. I chose to keep my sacred summons to myself.
Several minutes passed maybe an hour and I noticed a slow, but ample swell, the boat rose
high in the bay and then, just a few feet away Sasha, a female humpback, silently surfaced. I watched
as her massive head slowly rose above the swell and her grapefruit size eye met mine. I was completely
enraptured in the moment as I made eye contact with this fantastic beast. It felt like slow motion while
simultaneously happening so fast. The connection was powerful. Her graceful movement continued
revealing her walnut shaped spiracle, her blowhole. It was so close to me I could nearly reach out and
touch it. It looked like a pair of smooth, wet nostrils. I could see the detail of her skin.
At that moment, the mammal in me and the mammal in her made a sacred connection, and just then she
spouted. Her steamy, foul breath was now blowing on my cheeks and through my hair. I was
enamored. The stank of decomposition filtering through the air symbolized the life giving energy that was
fueling this massive animal. Had she heard my beckoning call? I breathed in her breath. Watching
intently and cherishing every second of this gift. I felt so alive, as I watched Sasha descend back into the
deep, and a little piece of my heart felt healed.
Time is non-refundable. Use it with intention.
October 2023
I learned that Sasha the humpback whale I encountered in Juneau Bay back in 2019 lost her yearling calf, Tango. He washed up just north of Ketchikan, Alaska. I am heartbroken. Heartbroken for dear Sasha. I like to believe that Sasha heard my silent prayer requesting to meet her that day in the bay. Maybe somehow she felt my need for such exhilaration after such a long period of grief. And now, she has joined the club no parent wants to be a part of. I wish I could offer her a piece of healing that she offered me.
And so it is, Juneau Bay, so full of life, is also full of death. The realness of life cycles as nature intended. No euphemisms to shield the truth. No pretending. Beauty unfathomed. Fjords, water and sky. All of the elements unrestricted. Birth, life, death. Life is finite. The time we have is a gift. Feeling the highs and lows means you are alive. What a privilege it is to be alive and present in our moments.
I know now the question I’ve pondered, “Is it better to have love and lost?” Absolutely yes. Lizzy was worth all the cost.
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
—Alfred Tennyson
#Anthropomorphize Yes I do.
